New Wife, New Mom

“New Wife, New Mom”

It is funny, but not surprising to me how so often we desire to reach these societal “milestones” in life so quickly yet once we get there, we don’t feel accomplished. Rather we feel temporary satisfaction or we are just utterly overwhelmed. At least that is how I have felt at times as I reflect on my endeavors of becoming a wife and a mother in the span of just a few months. 

In marriage I believe, as my husband quoted two years ago, that in marriage there is “more joy, more suffering” as you enter into becoming one flesh with the one you love while bearing the burdens you already carry in addition to the burdens of another fallen human being. It is absolutely amazing to do life with my best friend but it is heart wrenching when you are faced with just how sinful of a human being you really are as you hurt your best friend from time to time whether it is intentional or not. I guess what I have learned a lot through this process is that I have a serious idolatry problem when it comes to family. More specifically, my sweet husband, and my adorable daughter. 

I found that once you put your identity in something other than Jesus Christ himself, it completely directs your life whether you want it to in the moment or not. My head becomes full of ways of how I can be a better wife or a better mom which completely takes the focus off Christ, off my husband, off my daughter, and places it directly onto myself. I do my best to present to everyone that my relationship with my husband is amazing and that my daughter is thriving if every existing milestone. My idolatrous heart so badly wants to make everything about me, me, me. It is difficult because though I will repent for these sins of mine, there is a part of me that wants to hold onto making being a wife and a mother my identity.

I believe that our Christian culture if you will, also feeds to the flame at times as there seems to be an underlying stigma that you’re a better Christian if you’re married and have children. That you will prosper more in life if you’re not single and focusing solely on the Lord. Being a wife and a mom does not make me more special, spiritual, or valuable than anyone else. Sometimes I sit back and wonder how I would feel if the culture was reversed and being single was seen as the optimal milestone for the Christian walk. Would I be desiring that more? It is hard to say. 

As I am talking in circles here, I guess the main point I am trying to drive home is that, our idolatry of family or our job or whatever it may be, I believe is heavily influenced by our environments and what the world glorifies as valuable. At least, that appears to be the case for me as someone who is very influenced by what is surrounding me. I think that we need to realize that the prosperity gospel of having a spouse and family will give you a better life and greater blessing has most definitely slipped into our churches. We forget that Paul tells us that it is actually better to be single. But more importantly we forget the true gospel of Jesus Christ.

What is greater, what is more loving, what is more true, is that Jesus Christ himself came and died on the cross for our songs, saving us from death and hell while giving us eternal life and His Holy Spirit to dwell within us. Christ, suffered for our sake and so we are called into suffering with him. The gospel of Jesus Christ does not promise us a better life, however it promises us many other things including joy in Christ but also counting the cost by suffering for Christ. 

Now, I am not saying that be married or having children is wrong or not something to love or desire by any means. Anyone who has read the Bible can clearly see that God absolutely loves marriage, children and that both are a blessing (Proverbs 18:22, Psalm 127:3). I understand that what I have right now is an incredible blessing and it’s very hard for me to imagine my life without Owen or Eden. But, as much as we love our spouse, our children, and the blessings, we must love Christ more. 

The blesser will always be greater than the blessing. Why? Jesus is king and commands that we worship Him above all other gods. Why? Because He loves us more than any human being ever could or ever will. Why? Because He died the most excruciating death that we could ever imagine for our sake when we gave Him absolutely nothing. Why? To glorify himself and provide a way to reconcile us back to Him through the righteousness of Christ.

I say all of these things with the knowledge I have of the Word of God and what He has revealed to me through His Holy Spirit. But, I struggle daily to truly apply the gospel to my everyday life. I know Jesus is better, but in my heart I struggle to believe it. What I have to keep going back to lately is time in His Word. Over and over again it not only the best way for me to learn about Jesus and who He is, but it consistently gives me a deeper love for Jesus and His beautiful yet complex character. A verse that I love and keep coming back to is Colossians 3:2 that says “Set your mind on things that are above, not on things that are on earth. For you have died and your life is hidden with Christ in God.” I hope and pray these words encourage you today.